The latest on me…
I took this website off-line for a while, the reason why is because it was just too much for me. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get better and thought that’s why everyone came to this website, to see how I was and to support me. Which is a HUGELY lovely and amazing feeling, and the kindness and support I received was above any expectations. However, for some reason it didn’t feel right. I’ve always struggled a little with attention being on me, and I felt like I had to be a shining example to other cancer patients of how to deal with this diagnosis, and how to ‘fight’ cancer and all that jazz. I’ve been struggling between what I thought I should be doing - kick cancer butt ,and what my heart told me to do – just be Tami.
But I’ve come to realise, I’ve been missing the point this whole time. This isn’t just about me, and I don’t have to be ‘doing the right thing’ all the time. If my life is about anything at all, it’s about hope, and sharing everything that I’ve learnt about life and about cancer. This website is for other people, the other cancer patients that are still fighting and quite rightly still have hope, and are looking for information. And also for all those people who have supported me in my journey and deserve to know whats going on as I owe them a lot of my years, to know how truly grateful I am, and to know i’m ok.
I’ve met a lot of other ‘c’ patient dudes and dudettes that have all taught me so much, some have come to me for advice about treatment, but they have taught me about life in return. Yes, I believe that alternative therapies have added months, if not years to my life, and please, if you have cancer, do whats best for YOU. There are many things you can do to prolong your life and even get it into remission if you are focused enough. I want this website to be up as an information for other cancer patients to get information that I’ve had the privilege of experiencing, and I hope this information will help other people heal from cancer alternatively if that’s what they choose to do. The Tamis Wish website is still here to fundraise money for ‘Yes to Life’ charity that helps cancer patients with alternative treatments.
Maybe its the stages of cancer acceptance, or maybe its life lessons that have reached me to this point. but would like to declare to the world, ‘I’m not fighting anymore!’ Man, it feels good to say that, tears roll down my cheek as i write that. And no, that does NOT mean I have rolled over and will let cancer get me. Please do not have a vision of me slumpt into a corner crying as I write that, but a vision of me jumping up and breaking free of my cancer handcuffs and stamping on them in a happy dance. It means I choose not to have any stress, any expectations, any anger left in my body anymore. I felt angry at cancer being in my body, and that my life purpose was to attack cancer and rid it of my body. The thing is, I’m the least angry person on the planet, and it didn’t sit well with me.
Choosing not to fight anymore: what it means to me – I am not actively doing anything ‘for cancer reasons’, I am doing things for me, because I want to, because it feels good and because I am me.
The reason I was fighting so hard to survive was for my loved ones, my friends and family. I used to think how could i not do everything i possible could to stay with them longer. But i was kinda missing out on the ‘me’ bit, the happiness bit. The bit where i just want a normal life and to be as me as possible. Now I realise, thats what they want anyway. I don’t want any more fighting and struggling to keep my head above water. its not what I’m about. And who knows, once i stop ‘fighting’ and putting stress in my body, the peace might do it wonders 
You know what, i’m not scared anymore, I heard a beautiful quote the other day, ‘without death, life wouldn’t be as precious’, and its true. None of us are gonna get away with living forever! Without the knowledge that some day all this will be over, we would just live without appriciation to this beautiful world and everyone in it. I’m in no way saying that i want death to come, but i am saying that i’m not frightend anymore. Life is so beautiful, i just want to soak up as much of it as i possibly can, and i am blessed to be in a position where i can truly appriciate this and understand how lucky i am to be here.
I hope this hasn’t made any one feel sad, this isn’t sad news at all. I also worry that people will feel disappointed in me, I hope not. I feel at peace and i feel like i’m on the right path for me, i feel free and happy. For me i am ready to spend the rest of my days doing what i want to do. Not fighting for ‘extra time’ but actually living.
I’m not sure how long i get to play in this crazy game of ‘life’ we all have characters in, but i want the rest of mine to be about love, fun, memories and good times.
Dear all my loved ones… can we go and have some fun please?
Love Tami xx
